You Returned to the Universe

You returned to the universe

And my universe collapsed

It was a shrinking

A shifting

Between a world before,

and a world after.

A world with you in it,

and a world without.

 

A me before

And a me after.

 

You returned to the universe

And a hole was created

It is a patch of space

An emptiness

To show where you used to be,

and where you are no longer.

A reality that had you,

and a reality that does not.

 

A me that had you

And a me that does not.

 

You returned to the universe

And I did not cease to exist

It was a different way of being

A detour

From a life without grief,

to a life that embraces it.

From a life together,

to a life apart.


A me without grief

To a me torn apart.


You returned to the universe

And I still talk to you in my head

It is a conversation

A monologue

In the split second that I forget,

you’re no longer here.

A moment of slipping,

from the now to the then.

 

A me that was here

To a me that was there.


You returned to the universe

And I hope you’ve found peace

It is a belonging

A homecoming

Somewhere you can just be,

with no pain or sadness.

A place where it does not matter

if you cannot remember

 

a me that still misses you

a me that you left behind.



A poem about my dad's death 30 years ago, when I was a teenager of 15. This is the culmination of thoughts and feelings that have been kicking around inside me over the 3 decades since it happened.


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